Masakit ang puso ko.

Literal na masakit ang puso ko.

I’m finding it really hard to breathe. It’s like someone has a strong grip around my neck. My chest is so heavy. I really can’t breathe well.

Last night, I had a chat with a dear friend. She’s actually the current girlfriend, and hopefully soon-to-be fiancee, of an ex-boyfriend. What started out as simple kamustahan turned out into a heart-to-heart talk.

She turned to me for help because she knows how very well I know the guy’s personality. We started sharing our problems, experiences, and insights. Of course, my past relationship with him was brought up. Mind you, that relationship was very nerve-wracking, and totally heart-breaking for me. After our break-up, I had a hard time concentrating on everything. I couldn’t eat well. I couldn’t sleep well. My physiological and psychological balance was disturbed.

I thought it would be just a few days until I get over the heartbreak. But the emotional and physical pain that the relationship left with me took more than just a few days to heal. It took me months. Heck, even years just to get over it.

And then last night, while we were talking, I realized that again, he betrayed my trust.

I never thought that after all the good things I’ve done for him, he will talk about me in such a negative way. Of course I was not privy to the actual statements that were used to describe me. However, because I know his personality, and also because I know how he speaks about his ex-girlfriends, I expect the worst.

Damn. Knowing that  made me really cry last night. I would not want him to talk about me that way. I never uttered a bad word about him… Yes, even after all the bad things that he did. I always talk about his being a good person — sweet, kind, generous, etc.

But he talks about his past relationships like he has no respect left for the ladies.

*sigh*

I never expected that he would talk about me in a compromised manner.

I hope he realizes how deeply hurt I am. I hope he’ll change for the better.

It’s not yet too late, anyway.